I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
