There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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