I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
and she was petting her beer can
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
