Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
