I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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