Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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