Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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