oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
