I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
