Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
