remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
