My first STD was from a foam party
its not stalking. its research.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize