I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
