My nipple is on Facebook.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
