She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
