That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
