Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
