it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
