Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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