Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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