I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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