Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
