So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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