Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
