everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
