I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My ATM looks so different sober.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
