...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
