New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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