Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
