i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
