ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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