I wish my penis had an off switch
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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