Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
