Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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