My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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