and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
