If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
