I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
