did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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