Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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