The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
