Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize