After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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