shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
