My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
