dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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