fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
