Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
