remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
