Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
