New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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