Rock
Scissors
Fuck
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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