So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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