I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
