i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
