if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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