The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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