i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
