So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
