Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
