Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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