honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
