She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
what day is it and did you see me today?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize