I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
