i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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