would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it's like iHOP with fire
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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