Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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