saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
