We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
