I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
