He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
