There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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