im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
