i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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