I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
