we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
