I'm lost and stupid without you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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