Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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