seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
