Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
