I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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