I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
