They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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