I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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