Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
