so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
