We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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