the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
