its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Pants are for mortals
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
