for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
