alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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