Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
