why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
