Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
How external is "for external use only"?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize