I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
