All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
