If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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