You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
