You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
