M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
